Continuing the fight

For many years now have I struggled with depression. It brought me close to losing my Faith and could easily have ended, at a couple of times, in the cowardly death of suicide. The Crux of the issue (pun intended) came one evening, sitting in my college’s chapel praying the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary, desperate to find sense to my suffering. I was taking my time, over an hour to finish the first two decades, and then I reached the third. Focusing my attention on the nails that pierced Him, I must have spent 20 minutes on the first three Hail Marys before I began to understand the sheer depth of love God holds for us. Time and time again we sin, and all we have to do is be sorry and ask Him for forgiveness (within the proscribed formula) and we are forgiven.

Through this realisation, I found the strength to continue, and since then, several times, I have felt a great comfort when I’m contemplating the Eucharist most strongly. Each time, too, I have most needed it, being at a very low point and searching for a way up.

The purpose of this post, rambling though it is, is to remind you that God is there and He has given you a Guardian Angel, so at no point are you fighting alone. Further to this, Legio Christi has numerous members who either are going through or have gone through a similar fight and are more than willing to lend their aid.

Identify the points that cause you to struggle, pray for help, and ask your fellow Legionaries for aid. Finally, remember, at all times, that no matter what happens: Per Christum Nos Jam Vicimus

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The power of contemplative prayer is real.

Thanks for sharing, and stay strong, brother.

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Amen to that.
I was legitimately worried about you for a while, but I am glad you got over that hurdle now.

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I wouldn’t say I’m clear of it, but I definitely think that I’m getting the upper hand. There is an apparent desperation in the attacks I am facing, which is a sure sign that I’m making progress in my fight, and for this I thank God!

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Did you talk to the priest yet?

If not I’m email bombing all the priests of Australia to reach your priest and set it up for you.

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We haven’t been able to meet up and talk about it properly yet, but I’ve spoken with him briefly about it and he factors that into the spiritual guidance that he gives me during confession.

Further to this point: don’t let fear hold you back. Satan and his devils have pretty much bugger-all power over you, they can’t even force you to sin if they should possess you, and if they’re going to take things to that extreme, it’s probably a good sign you’re doing something right, because you’re making them desperate enough to reveal themselves in this manner. The other night, I awoke with sleep paralysis (second time this year), but it was stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before. The first step to freeing yourself is to calm yourself. A devil will always tell you to fear it and cower before it, but every time in the Bible that an angel has appeared to someone it said “Do not be afraid”, and that’s how you can tell the difference most easily: an angel will comfort you since it reflects the light of God.

Therefore, fight fear, since only Fear of the Lord drives man to do good, all other fears are of Satan’s doing.

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