I think we all struggle with porn to some extent. It’s so readily available and I doubt that anyone here is such a saint as to be able to honestly say that they’ve never had any issue with it.
But yeah, as you say having an active prayer life really helps in gaining the strength and support needed to resist it. For me running has helped a lot too, but that gets hard during the winter months here in Norway.
But I fucking suck at keeping up an active prayer life when the rest of life gets in the way. If I have exams or something of the sort coming up is disrupts my prayer routine, and I break almost every time. As you say it’s humilating and such a punch in the face when you realize that you’re still the same worthless wreck that you’ve always been.
Only good thing that comes out of it is being forced to your knees in repentance and humility before God. And oh, what a mighty God he is.
For me the most eyeopening mysteries of the rosary are the sorrowful ones. Christ in the garden of Gethsemane sees all the sins of mankind and has to face all the wrath of the father for it all, and yet he said that Gods will be done and not Christ the mans, who wanted to escape it all.
There is something absolutely humbling about facing the fact that despite being the degenerate you are Christ as already seen your sins and chose to die for your sorry ass none the less! To stand before the Almighty in all his might knowing full well that you are deserving of eternal hellfire and yet HE choses to be the one to die in your stead, THAT is honestly scary! It gives the term “Godfearing” an entirely different meaning and perspective.
All I wish for is to be able to put my pride aside and to be able to embrace the pure love of God wholeheartedly, and to lay the flesh to rest. In the meantime I’ll find solace in the fact that His love will always be greater than both my sins and my pride.